


"Saturn"

by Cellybear666



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Angst and Feels, Bittersweet?, Captain Yamaguchi Tadashi, Character Death, Death, I'm Bad At Tagging, I'm Sorry, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Inspired by Music, M/M, Maybe - Freeform, No Spoilers, Not Beta Read, Okay Ending, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, POV Third Person, Sad, Sad Yamaguchi Tadashi, Short, Slice of Life, Third Year Yamaguchi Tadashi, Third Years, Yamaguchi is not okay, but it’s okay to not be okay, death of a friend/lover, just in this story, sad slice of life, short & sad, super short, they are NOT really dead in the anime/manga
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-02
Updated: 2020-06-02
Packaged: 2021-03-02 18:33:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,019
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24431404
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cellybear666/pseuds/Cellybear666
Summary: Yamaguchi having a conversation with someone who is no longer there.Rated Teen+ cause the subject of death might not be for everyone.
Relationships: Tsukishima Kei & Yamaguchi Tadashi, Tsukishima Kei/Yamaguchi Tadashi
Comments: 3
Kudos: 20





	"Saturn"

**Author's Note:**

> This song is inspiered by the song "Saturn" by: Sleeping At Last. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dzNvk80XY9s  
> Give it a listen!!

Yamaguchi grabbed Tsukishima’s blanket, that Tsukishima left at his house a while ago, a Bluetooth speaker, and sat on his roof with “Tsukishima”. The weather was fairly cool, with a slight breeze and it was quiet. Quiet enough to have a conversation, quiet enough that it was peaceful.

 _-Sometimes all the noise during the daytime can be overwhelming.-_ Yamaguchi thought to himself. 

This night was another perfect night. Yamaguchi smiled and brought his knees into his chest. He let the breeze blow across him for a while. Yamaguchi grabbed his Bluetooth speaker.

“I found this artist that came up in my recommendations, Tsukki. I think they’re pretty neat. I hope you like them too. They’re called Sleeping At Last.” He connected his phone and played the music. Yamaguchi let the music play while he continued talking to Tsukishima.

“So, how has your day, or I should say night, been so far?” Yamaguchi asked. “I bet you see some wild stuff. Oh the stories you could tell, haha” Yamaguchi laughed.

“My day has, my week in general, has been so busy. Being captain isn’t as easy as it looks sometimes. We’re also preparing for nationals. That’s why I haven’t been hanging out with you much lately. Coach Ukai has been really pushing us in practice, and with getting ready for exams on top of that! I’ve just been so exhausted when I get home, Tsukki. I just see my bed and pass out.” Yamaguchi chuckled.

“Also earlier this week your mom asked me to stop by. She had a box of your stuff that she thought I might like to have. It just had some hoodies and t-shirts, some of which I think were mine to begin with haha, but it also had some of our memorabilia. Like pictures of us together, the letter I wrote you to confess I had a crush on you, I reread it… It was a bit cring-ey not going to lie, haha, plus all the other letters I would write you. It also had the tickets from the carnival we went to as our first date. It warms my heart that you kept all this stuff, Tsukki.” Yamaguchi blushed.

“But anyways, exams are tomorrow, so Coach Ukai and Takeda-sensei gave us today off to go study. So I figured this would be a good time to spend with you.

“Maaaayyybbeee (maybe) you… could...help me study?” Yamaguchi said twirling his fingers in his hair like an oblivious school girl. “Haha just kidding, just kidding.”

Yamaguchi sighed.

“I really wish you were here to help though. Studying isn’t that same without, volleyball isn’t the same without you, and my life just isn’t the same without you. I’ve been going to counseling to help with coping, but I still have my days where I just break down. If I’m at school I’ll just go to the nurses office and cry for hours. Sometimes they’ll just send me home...Gosh Tsukki I’m such a mess. I’m surprised you were able to put up with me for so long.” Yamaguchi rubbed the back of his neck.

“You always said to me however that **“putting up with someone is the same as settling because you’re done trying. When it comes to you, I’ll never stop trying”**...I wish I could hear you say that one more time.” Yamaguchi could start to feel a lump form in his throat.

He got distracted though when he heard a familiar start to a song.

“Oh, Tsukki. This is probably my favorite song by this person. It’s called ‘Saturn’. Did you know Saturn has about 62 moons? God, if I wished I lived on Saturn, I would never be alone. No matter where I turned, You’d always be there…” Yamaguchi bowed his head down into his knees. He tried to stop the tears, but once the lyrics hit:

_ ~You taught me the courage of stars, before you left _

_ How light carries on endlessly, even after death~  _

He couldn’t contain them anymore. Tears started coming out of him like a waterfall. Yamaguchi stared up at the moon. He felt rage, but he felt sorrow more than anything.

“W-why!? Why are you- why did-did you leave!? Why did you leave your family, your friends, your teammates...why did you leave me!? I’m-I’m so lost without you. I-I, people tell me that-that I need to stop depending on you, and that I need to find and be myself, but-but how can I be my own person, when you took a part of me, when you left!? Tsuk *hiccup* ki, I know I ask you these questions almost every night, but I’m sorry Tsukki. I’m sorry I can’t help but re-ask questions I don’t have answers to. I’m sorry I’m such a mess. I’m-I’m sorry I couldn’t help you…”

Yamaguchi had to stop for a second to catch his breath, and simmer down the burning sensation in his throat. But he didn’t stop crying. He kept looking at the moon and realized how bright and full it was.

“No matter how dark it is, that’s when you always shine the brightest. That's one of the things I liked about you the most... I-I miss you so so so much, Tsukki. I miss your sarcasm, I miss playing volleyball with you, I miss our lazy Sunday mornings when we would just stay in bed and cuddle while listening to music. I...I miss.... I miss not getting the chance to tell you...to tell you that I love you…”

Yamaguchi has calmed down and stopped crying. He looked at the time.

_-Its getting late. I should go to bed.-_

He looked back up at the moon.

“I’ll see you tomorrow. Wish me luck on the exam.” Yamaguchi gathered his stuff, headed back inside, and went to sleep.

Yamaguchi woke up the next morning and while walking to school he noticed the reflection of the moon in the sky.

_-I’m so going to ace these exams! Thank you for being here, Tsukki. I now know that even though you are gone, I can still count on you. -_

-The End-

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! I cried while writing this & I rarely cry when I write stories... I'm just filled with angst these past days, so i'm trying to get it all out. Also I'm leaving Tsukishima's death up to your own interpretation. I had intentions on writing this story w/o saying set and stone how he died, but I know context clues might lead everyone to the same answer. Even when I reread it back My mind only went to one way.
> 
> anyway kudos and comments are always welcomed. xx


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